


To mourn and to dance

by platypusperson



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Character Death, Eventual Happy Ending, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mpreg, Not Canon Compliant, Omega Tony Stark, Past Relationship(s), Past Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pregnant Tony Stark, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Indulgent, Spoiler Alert - Freeform, Steve Rogers Dies, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, basically Steve dies but offscreen so not a huge deal?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-21 17:44:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16581113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/platypusperson/pseuds/platypusperson
Summary: Several months after Steve Rogers, his husband, left him behind in a cave in Siberia, a quite pregnant Tony Stark wakes up to a very unexpected visitor bringing bad news. Can Tony, with a little outside help, come to terms with the past and move on from the present?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a purely random, self-indulgent fic. The idea hit me and I wrote it because why not? Part 2 will be up in the next few days!  
> Feel free to comment or leave kudos if you like it!

Darkness all around him, he was falling through it, drowning in it...where was FRIDAY, why wasn’t she online, why wasn’t she working, was she broken? Was she dead, like JARVIS? The suit was surrounding him, making him claustrophobic, he had to get out, but he couldn’t get out, but he had to, he had to get this off him, but it wouldn’t come off, he was going to die in here, trapped in the darkness and this tiny space, he was going to die ! He screamed and thrashed but the metal of the suit restrained him, holding back his limbs, not taking any damage, and his screams were swallowed up by the darkness. There was no one there to hear him, no one to help him, he was going to be stuck in this suit forever and he was going to die here… But then suddenly he could see in front of him, something was there, no, wait, someone was there. Steve! Steve was there, Steve had come for him, Steve was going to save him, it would all be okay because Steve… Tony smiled at the sight of his husband and tried to reach out to him, tried to embrace him, but his arms suddenly felt impossibly heavy and wouldn’t move. Why wouldn’t they move? And wait a second, Steve wasn’t smiling, he didn’t look happy, why wasn’t he happy to see him? In fact he looked angry, staring at Tony with enough hatred to make him flinch within the suit, and he tried to speak to him, tried to say his name, but it came out as barely a croak, not even a whisper. “Steve…” And then suddenly the suit was gone, and he could see Steve clearly, only for him to raise the shield up high, and Tony’s breath hitched because he knew what was coming. Steve was going to kill him, Steve didn’t love him anymore, how could he? It had only been a matter of time, why would anyone love him, everyone left, they always just left… And then the shield was coming down on him, moving at lightning speed but also in slow motion, and he knew this was it…

“Steve!” Tony shot up in bed with a shout, clutching at his chest. Where was he? Where was Steve? Looking around frantically, he realized he was just in his bedroom, not in a cave. Not back in Siberia, trapped, alone. And he wasn’t dead, and Steve wasn’t here, and it was okay. Everything was fine. 

Taking deep breaths to calm himself, he looked down and found himself rubbing his protruding stomach. “Mi dispiace, piccolo,” he murmured to it. “It’s okay. We’re both okay.” 

Once his heart had stopped beating so fast, he dragged himself out of bed and to the bathroom. He was just splashing some water on his face when he heard FRIDAY say something to him. “What was that, Fri?” he asked, patting his cheeks with a towel. 

“I believe you have a visitor, Boss.” 

Tony froze. “A visitor?” No response, as if to say “Duh”. Okay, that was fine. “Where? Do I need the suit?” 

“In the kitchen. He appears to be unarmed.” 

He. Tony had a feeling he knew who it was, but grabbed a repulsor gauntlet off his nightstand just in case. He looked around desperately for something to cover himself up, finally grabbing an old robe from the closet and putting it over his pajamas. Not that it mattered, but it made him feel slightly less vulnerable. His enlarged stomach was still visible through the robe (at this point, very little could actually hide it), and most people would be able to notice a change in his smell regardless. There was a reason he hadn’t left the (now empty) compound in months. 

Sliding the gauntlet firmly onto his arm, Tony made his way out to the kitchen, taking his time. Moving too fast made him feel nauseous, and he wasn’t in a huge rush anyway. If this was who he thought it would be, he wasn’t particularly excited for the confrontation. He still loved Steve, but he didn’t want to. He was still angry at him too, angry for not telling him the truth, angry for leaving him behind in Siberia. And he wasn’t sure he was ready to take Steve back, or vice versa, either. Tony knew he wasn’t innocent; he had made mistakes and of course he had regrets. But the thought of Steve, no matter how much his heart ached for him, still brought back memories of the shield coming down at him, of being convinced he was going to die. And he wasn’t sure that he would ever be able to get past that. 

Nearing the kitchen, Tony paused and leaned against the wall. He took a deep breath, preparing himself to face what was inside, and approached the door. He heard a small gasp from inside, most likely a reaction to being hit with the scent of a very pregnant omega (damn super senses). There was no turning back now. 

Stepping into the kitchen, Tony stopped short at the sight before him. “Barnes?” 

The former Winter Soldier (who was standing alone, in the middle of his kitchen) was staring at him in shock, specifically at his stomach, mouth open slightly. “Stark,” he murmured. “You’re...pregnant.” 

Feeling a rush of indignation (and also, though he didn’t want to admit it to himself, disappointment), Tony nodded his head. “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, Frosty, I am. Why, does that disrupt your plans to kill me or something?” 

The man looked up, meeting his eyes, and Tony was surprised to see that they looked damp. “You think I’m here to kill you?” he asked, somehow sounding both surprised and resigned. 

“Well, yeah,” Tony replied, mainly just confused now. “Why else would you be here?” 

Barnes looked sad at that. When he spoke again, it was in a whisper, his eyes back on Tony’s stomach. “Is it...Steve’s?” 

Tony opened his mouth to respond but nothing came out. The soldier shook his head quickly. “I’m sorry, that’s none of my business. I shouldn’t be here. But I...I’m not here to kill you. I had to tell you. You deserved to know.” At this point, it seemed like he was half talking to himself. “You have a right to know.” 

Confusion, and a bit of fear, rising up in him, Tony stepped a little bit closer. “Know what, Barnes?” 

Meeting Tony’s eyes once more (and those were definitely tears glistening, now), the man took a deep breath. “It’s Steve.” His voice cracked on the word. “He’s dead. I’m - I’m so sorry.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is kinda slow, I always end up writing a lot more details than I plan to. Hope you like it though!!

Tony grabbed onto the counter to steady himself, mind whirling. Steve couldn’t be dead. He was a super soldier, it wasn’t even possible. There had to be a mistake. “You’re - you’re lying. He’s not dead. He can’t be dead.” 

Barnes shook his head, looking as though he was using all his effort to stop any tears from making their way onto his face. “Believe me, I wish I was,” he said scratchily. “I...I saw it happen. He was outnumbered and they had weapons we weren’t used to and...there are some hits that not even a super soldier can recover from. I’m so sorry.” 

Tony shook his head vigorously, refusing to accept it. “I have to go,” he muttered before hurtling out of the room. He made it to the bathroom just in time to be sick, clinging to the toilet for dear life as if it could somehow fix things for him. As always, he put a hand on his belly while pausing for breath, only to realize that he had managed to completely forget about his child for the first time in months. Their child. The child that would grow up with only one parent, without another father, never even meeting the man who could have been so much to him. And Steve would never know their kid either, Steve who had always dreamed of a family even though they both knew it was unlikely to happen at Tony’s age, Steve who had...who had died not even knowing that Tony was pregnant. Steve his husband, who he still loved so much, for all that he was terrified of and wanted to hate him. 

And yet suddenly he was flooded with a wave of anger, overtaking the grief momentarily. None of this would have happened if Steve had just signed the Accords and stayed home, if he hadn’t fucked off to Wakanda with his darling Bucky. If he hadn’t left. Maybe if Tony had been with him, he wouldn’t have gotten injured, would’ve at least had a more fair fight. Stubborn bastard could’ve at least called Tony for help. 

Dragging himself out of the bathroom, he pulled the small black flip phone from where it had been under his pillow and studied it. Desperately, he opened it and called the number inside for the first time. “Pick up, pick up, pick up,” he whispered to himself. “Please Steve, I’m begging you, just please pick up.” The machine went to voicemail. “Dammit Steve!” he yelled hoarsely, throwing the phone against the wall as hard as he could. It hit with a bang and fell to the floor. 

Something about that did it for Tony. He collapsed onto the carpet, sobbing, and curled into the closest approximation of a ball that he could manage. Letting out all his traitorous, stupid emotions, he cried and cried until he physically couldn’t manage to shed any more tears. Already exhausted from grief, Tony lay his head down on the ground and fell into a tentative, uneasy sleep. 

When he woke up, it was to the feel of strong arms holding him in the air. He froze for a moment, before struggling and kicking out. “What the hell -” he screeched, starting to go into panic mode as the arms didn’t so much as twitch despite his vigorous flailing. But a moment later he found himself being gently deposited onto a soft, familiar surface that he soon recognized as his bed. Calming slightly, he looked up and did a double take at who was above him. “Barnes?” 

Suddenly all the memories of earlier (that morning? That night? What time was it now, anyways? Did he care?) came flooding back to him. Gasping as the rush of emotions hit him in the chest like a physical pain, he curled into himself once more, struggling to find his breath. 

“I’m sorry,” murmured the man standing beside his bed, who Tony had practically forgotten was there. “I didn’t mean to scare you, just thought you’d be more comfortable sleeping there than on the floor.” 

Tony was pretty sure he should have been more bothered by the man who killed his parents picking him up and carrying him around like a child, but he found he didn’t particularly care about that right now. Rolling over and ignoring Barnes, he closed his eyes and allowed both sleep and sorrow to do as they pleased with him. 

...... 

The next time Tony woke up, he did so gradually, but the knowledge of what had occurred was still all too present. After forcibly dragging himself to the bathroom (for all that he wanted to remain in bed, pregnancy didn’t really make that an option), he looked at himself in the mirror. He seemed like a disaster. Huh. Well, it wasn’t inaccurate. 

“FRIDAY, where is Barnes?” 

“In the hallway, sir,” came the quick response, pulling up a video feed with it that showed Barnes was, indeed, sitting on the ground just outside the door to his room. He was propped up against the wall, looking stoic but still nearly as wrecked as Tony. He was just far enough away from the open door that Tony hadn’t noticed him upon waking up, and in the back of his mind Tony made a note about how that must be those former assassin skills at play. 

“Has he done anything wrong or suspicious while I was out?” he whispered, hoping that the super soldier wouldn’t be able to hear through the walls. Although, did he really care if he did? He had every right to be suspicious of the man who had broken into his home, though so far nothing seemed malicious. 

“No, boss,” FRIDAY answered brightly. “He remained in the kitchen for a while after you exited, then came and found you in here and transferred you to your bed. After that he appeared to begin to leave, but shortly returned and checked on you. Finally he sat down where he is now and has remained there ever since.” 

That was interesting. Why would Barnes stay and watch over him? He had no reason to care about him and nothing keeping him here. Pondering it for a moment, the realization suddenly hit him. It had to be his pheromones. Tony’s were already strengthened due to the pregnancy, and after this shock (especially while sobbing in bed) he must absolutely reek of distressed omega. Those alpha instincts probably wouldn’t let him get too far. Tony would have to do something about that later. 

For the moment, he decided to ignore Barnes and see if he got the hint. After getting dressed in the baggy sweatpants and ACDC t-shirt that had become his new equivalent of a suit, Tony marched out of the room and down to his workshop, where he told FRIDAY to lock the door and got out the specs for his latest project. Resolutely not thinking about his husband, his child’s father, the former love of his life, he blanked out the rest of the world and threw himself into his work.


End file.
